Introducing Gleeful Mayhem

Duane (sweer-ZIN-ski)'s Newsletter

This Year’s Model

Back in the summer 1989, fresh out of high school, I landed an internship at a modeling agency in Philadelphia to work on their in-house magazine (Les Modelles) as well as write their monthly newsletter. I was seventeen years old and I had no fucking idea what I was doing.

The internship was thanks to the City of Philadelphia, who sponsored a summer job program for high school grads. I applied, telling them I wanted to be a writer. Instead of tossing my application into the nearest trash receptacle, the program coordinator rolled up her sleeves and said she’d try her best. And boy, did she.

Les Modelles was the name of the agency as well as the magazine, founded by a lawyer named Lee. I never saw much of editor-in-chief Linda, who always seemed to be out on assignment. I worked most closely with Lisa, the executive assistant. (I was the only guy in the office, and the only person whose first name didn’t start with an “L.”) All three women were extremely generous to the nerdy Polish kid who showed up in his Catholic school jacket and tie and wanted to be Stephen King when he grew up.

The Author at 17. Don’t you just want to stuff him in a locker?

A new issue of the magazine never appeared during my tenure—that didn’t seem to be a priority at the agency. But I did crank out a few of those newsletters, full of advice and news items geared for the aspiring Philly-area fashion model. And since I was around all of the time, and Lisa needed a break now and again, I was tasked with interviewing some of those aspiring fashion models.

I know what you’re thinking: this is going to be a sordid story about my wild summer of models and cocaine after four years at an all-boys Catholic high school.

Please. This is me we’re talking about here. There were no models, no cocaine. I hadn’t even had my first beer yet. I did harbor a secret crush on Lisa (also a model) which I’m sure a.) wasn’t exactly secret, and b.) amused her.

And looking back, I realize this wasn’t actually journalism, which had been my career goal. It wasn’t even service journalism, because I interviewed exactly zero industry experts. I did create a Miss Lonelyhearts-style advice column, which I answered in the persona of an older, wiser model who’d seen it all, done it all. And just like Nathanael West’s antihero, I was completely full of shit.

Except…

Except this did give me my taste of journalism. I learned how to crank out copy on demand. I grew comfortable interviewing real live human beings. These were my first awkward steps as a professional writer.

Fast-forward… oh God… thirty-two years, and I here I am, writing another newsletter. But I promise: this time, no modeling advice.

So, what can you expect from this thing? Updates on my works-in-progress, of course, and some autobiographical oddities here and there. But I’m probably going to talk a lot about books, movies, comics and music—as well as the people who create them. One of my weird hobbies is to drive around L.A. and look for the places where writers lived and worked. As well as locations where some of my favorite weird movies were filmed. If this sounds like fun, stick around and enjoy.

For this maiden voyage, I have two big updates. (And a small one.)

The Return of Evie’s Holiday Book Drive

Three years ago this month, my wife and I lost our amazing 15-year-old daughter to leukemia.

Evie was a huge book nerd like her old man, and one of the silver linings about being stuck at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles during her treatment was the “Literally Healing” program. Each day, the book cart came around, and every patient was allowed to a pick out a new book they were allowed to keep. Evie loved this, and gave her something to look forward to during the horrors of chemotherapy and the countless indignities of a long hospital stay. Books, after all, are the best escape hatches.

A few days after Evie passed, our good friends Del and Sue at Dark Delicacies in Burbank, CA started a drive to gather books for kids like Evie. We’ve kept the tradition going since then, and have expanded our partners to include Murder by the Book (in Houston, TX), Reads & Company (in Phoenixville, PA) and now Vroman’s Bookstore (in Pasadena, CA).

Last year, Evie’s Holiday Book Drive collected over 2,000 new books; we’re hoping to top 2,500 this time around. But to do that, we’ll need your help. If you visit teameviefoundation.com, you’ll find links to all four bookstores.

If you are inclined to give a book or two, drop me a line and let me know what you’re donating, especially if it’s a personal favorite. I love hearing stories about books that flipped a switch in your brain at a tender age.

Guilty Feelings

I spent the better part of the early pandemic co-writing The Guilty, an audio murder mystery with James Patterson. So many things about this project appealed to me, but topping the list? The creative limitations.

With novels, you can pretty much do anything you want. With comics, you can show anything, with an unlimited special effects budget. But with a serial audio drama, you have only a few tools: dialogue, narration, sound effects, maybe a little music. The very idea excited me tremendously.

(I’m a weirdo who likes a good challenge. I keep waiting for someone to ask me to write a grindhouse exploitation sonnet.)

After two years of outlining, writing, editing and fine-tuning, The Guilty is finally out today (October 28) on Audible.com. I’m still blown away by the cast we’ve gathered: John Lithgow, Bryce Dallas Howard, Peter Gallagher, Corey Stoll, Marsha Stephanie Blake, Danny Burstein, among other crazy talented actors.

You can read more about the plot at the Audible site, so I won’t spoil it here. (And the less you know going in, the better.) But I hope you’ll give it a try and let me know what you think.

Look Out, He’s Got a Knife (and a Logo)!

I named my entertainment company “Gleeful Mayhem” several years ago, but it never felt quite real… until now! Because now I have an official logo, which was created by Mark Adams at Hog Island Press.

I’ve known Mark for quite a few years now—ever since he and Jason Killinger designed the cool map of Philly included in my tenth novel, Revolver. I approached Mark with a half-baked idea about the name of my company in a cartoony pool of gore, all Bucket of Blood-style.

To Mark’s credit, he gave it a whirl. But he also proposed something creepy and Hitchcockian… and I immediately fell in love. So cheers to Mark, and expect some Gleeful Mayhem merch soon! (Maybe a set of steak knives?)

That’s all for now. Be kind to yourself and each other, and don’t be shy about sending me questions or comments.

WHO THE…??? You’ve signed up for a newsletter from writer Duane Swierczynski, author of more than a dozen novels, hundreds of comic books, a fistful full of screenplays and other assorted nonsense. Born and raised in Philadelphia, he now lives with his family in L.A. You can find him on Twitter and Instagram and often at the movies. If you want to hire Duane to write a grindhouse exploitation sonnet, contact his manager Peter Katz at Story Driven.